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HDM, King of Men ... on Minnesota, the Mets,
Dick the Bruiser and Doc Severinsen

Good evening, everybody. This is the 300th anniversary of the Dictators playing at CBGBs. Yeah, that's right. We started out when old John D. Rockefeller was hitting his first oil wells in the Midwest. Welcome to the world of the Dictators! A world in which, in the year 1998, we consider a full meal a half a dozen White Castle cheeseburgers. A bunch of guys that aren't afraid of admitting, "Yes, we are heterosexual white males of European descent." And most proud of all, I must admit to you, my fans, I think Jesse "the Body" Ventura winning the governorship of the GREAT, GREAT, ULTRA GREAT state of Minnesota is the best political news I've heard all year. I think the world is finally catching up to the Dictators!

CBGBs, New York City
Nov. 6, 1998
I'm not too hip on the political climate in Canada. I read this paper, I got this paper. It was called The Sun or something. I loved it. It's great. In New York there's a paper called the New York Post, and it's a total piece of shit paper. What's that guy from England who owns it? Rupert Murdoch, right? But we don't get the girl in the bikini on page three. But it's still a great newspaper. It's like a piece of crap newspaper. But I'm so fucking addicted I buy it every single day. So I'm looking through newspapers on the road and I see The Sun, and it looks like real trash, and I loved it. There's a girl in a bikini on page three. But answer me this, my fine-feathered friends: It said Mulroney is not very popular. Is that true? [Audience boos.] Yeah. I don't like him either. But he DID denounce the new Soviet government, so ya gotta give him PARTIAL credit.

Spectrum Cabaret, Winnipeg
Aug. 19, 1991
Listen, I've been thinking lately. I am sick and tired--every time I turn on the radio, every time I turn on the TV, every newspaper I pick up, every PERIODICAL I pick up, all these smart-ass guys are tellin' me what to eat. They're telling me, "EAT LEGUMES, EAT BEETS, DON'T EAT MEAT, EAT TOFU!" YOU eat legumes. YOU eat TO-FU! Aren't there any real men left in the world? Aren't there any fuckin' car-ni-vores left in the world? Doesn't anybody like to eat a nice, fresh, slaughtered, blood-red, fuckin' cow? Then would you please be my guest for New Year's Eve and join Mr. Manitoba and the Dictators in White fuckin' Castle? ... NOW YOU ARE MEN! FOOD FIGHT!

Irving Plaza, New York City
Dec. 31, 1986
I don't have to be here, ya know. I don't have to show up here. With my vast financial holdings, I could be basking in the sun in Florida. This is just a hobby for me! Nothing, ya hear? A HOBBY!

Intro to "The Next Big Thing"
"Go Girl Crazy!" 1975
[On the meaning of his Manitoba 3:16 T-shirt:]
It means that God SO loved rock 'n' roll, He gave the Dictators to the Planet Earth, so that YOU shall not be led into the millennium by Celine Dion.

Bowery Ballroom, New York City
June 20, 1998
[After break in "Two Tub Man"]
That's fuckin' tight, huh? That's fuckin' tighter, that's fuckin' tighter than Doc Severinsen. ... How tight IS Doc Severinsen?

CBGBs, New York City
Nov. 6, 1998
How many people out here wear backpacks? The first thing I noticed when I pulled into town today. One out of every two goddamned people had a backpack. Where are they going? What do you need a backpack for? Everyone in this town is in transit, wandering through town? There is a man after my own heart. He's got a backpack. This song is dedicated to backpacks because they look so goddamned cool, I can't believe it.

Madison, Wisconsin
Sept. 1, 1978
I just come back from Minn-e-a-polis. Where I just beat Verne Gagne and Dick the Bruiser, daddy. There ain't no--you can bring on Haystack Calhoun, Eric Bloom, I don't care who you bring here, daddy. Rainbow, Strongbow. They're all going under the THUNDER OF MANITOBA.

Intro to "Two Tub Man"
"Go Girl Crazy!" 1975
Dick the Bruiser, daddy
Dick "the Bruiser" Afflis
So I was thinking, What are my favorite things in the world? Rock 'n' roll, pussy, food and baseball--not necessarily in that order. Rock 'n' roll-pussy-food-baseball. Baseball-food-pussy-rock 'n' roll. What is my favorite? What is my favorite? I don't fucking know. But I tell you this. Whatever I decide and whatever answer I come up with, always remember: I AM RIGHT!

CBGBs, New York City
March 27, 1995
Okay, so the new New York City. Now, I think Giuliani's doing SOME good things. I think Tompkins Square Park is a lot ni--I mean, it is, come on. Tompkins Square Park is a lot fuckin' nicer. BUT, BUT I never thought I'd say this: You get a dollar-fifty, go up on the train up on the west side, where are you supposed to get your blow jobs now--from Minnie Mouse?

Bowery Ballroom, New York City
June 20, 1998
I just want to make you realize, I don't give a shit what you think about the Handsome One. I'll tell you where it's at right now. You are now witnessing POWER, baby. Uncle Handsome is holding the microphone. Uncle Handsome got the power, the man with the power of the hour. And you gotta wait for me, 'cause when I say go, THEN we go, and THEN you party.

Intro to "Two Tub Man"
"The Dictators Live: Fuck 'em If They Can't Take a Joke," 1981
The Mets are for people who like to be victims. Poor us. Don't you understand? We never can be excellent, but we're cute and bumbling.

Brighton Bar, New Jersey
Oct. 23, 1998
(Intro: "You need help, son. You need help real bad.") Hey, let me tell you something, daddy-o. I used to be a sailor. I've been all over the world, and I don't like nobody telling me what to do. Nobody. Not even you crackpot MDs. FORGET ABOUT IT! You ain't stickin' no more needles in me. And you ain't gonna lock me in that room. I'm tellin' you, doc, I'll get even with that sick broad if it's the last thing I do. She knew about the curse she carried, and yet she still led me on and on and on, until it was too late. That, doc, is when I started noticing these strange and disgusting scales ALL OVER MY BODY. My brain POUNDS and POUNDS and POUNDS again. My HANDS are not part of my BODY. My BODY is not ruled by my BRAIN. And my EYES, my EYES, great God in heaven--I AM DISEASED!

Intro to "Disease"
"Manifest Destiny," 1977
I was walking down Ninth Street shopping today and I felt a drop. And I said, Wait a minute, rain isn't white, is it? Yes, yes, it's true, audience. Even Manitoba gets shit on in this wonderful town of ours.

CBGBs, New York City
March 27, 1995
(Audience member: "Hey, Dick, who's the drummer?") It's a good question. I like astute fans. You didn't know I knew fancy words like that being a college dropout and everything. ASTUTE. ... Drummer: Mr. J.P. "Thunderbolt" Patterson, for all the uninitiated. His grandfather was a professional wrestler. ... His name, too, was Thunderbolt Patterson. It must be Christian. All them Christians they keep naming the same name.

Bowery Ballroom, New York City
June 20, 1998
You know, I used to drive a cab in this dirty, stinkin' ol' town, and one time on the Upper East Side, I picked up Art Garfunkel. I took him over to the West Side Highway, and I said, "Art, I'm dumping you in the river. Your voice is too high." No, we actually got into a conversation about rock 'n' roll. And I said, "You know, I really love that body of music that you and your partner from Forest Hills"--the OTHER band from Forest Hills besides the Ramones--"I really like the stuff that you guys created." And he went into this fuckin' serious rap that to this day stays with me. He said, "Rock 'n' roll used to be a music that made people dance. Rock 'n' roll used to be a music that made people want to fuck." But when I look on the charts in 1998, I see almost no rock 'n' roll on the charts! What is happening in the world?! What is going on?! Are we going to let this shit just die?! Are they going to look back in history and say, "THAT was the rock era"? NEVER! NEVER! Not while one breath of Manitoba still exists!

CBGBs, New York City
Nov. 6, 1998