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More Recipes: The Joy of October; Remembering Joey; Sangwich Numero Uno; Snack of the Moment; I Thank God for Baseball

by H.D. Manitoba


I love smoked salmon. Not with a schmear of butter and a sliver of cucumber on some weird little pumpernickel toast rounds the Gentiles would serve you at their parties but Nova Scotia or lox, belly lox, with cream cheese, lots of Philly, and bagel or a bialy. (Fuck you if you don't know what a bialy is!) Toast the bagel or bialy unless they're superfresh!

Now since I was a young'n I've had a slight problem with smoked salmon (ss, for the rest of the article) texture -- therefore I was driven to try throwin it in a pan w/a tad o' butter or olive oil. It immediately changes the texture. Ten seconds on each side will do and the stringy texture will disappear. One day I threw my ss in a pan with some olive oil and forgot about it for about 2 minutes. Oh shit! I flipped it over and 2 minutes on the other side and all of a sudden, I invented something! Dig it! This, more than anything else is what my chick, the mighty Z, asks me to make her at 3 AM when we get home and she's hungry.

The ss is now crispy, like salmon bacon. You can even make a ss hash w/little bits o' potato and dill and onion.

Anyway, here's my impressive "Dear God, What Have I Stumbled Upon?" Egg Dish for 3 AM That Will Put a Smile on Your Chick's Face

Large English muffins (regular size are for pantywaists with no appetites)
Nova Scotia smoked salmon
Jumbo eggs
Philadelphia cream cheese
Xtra virgin olive oil
Fresh salt and black pepper

In a non-stick pan, add olive oil. Heat. Place ss strips in till crisp. Turn -- crisp other side -- remove.
In a non-stick pan, put 1-1 1/2 inches boiling salted H20.
Split (by hand) jumbo Thomas English muffin -- toast!
When H20 hits rapid boil, gently drop in 2 jumbo eggs. Cover. Lower flame from high to low-medium.
Put tons of Philly cc on each English muffin half.
Place crisp smoked salmon strips on toasted English w/cc.
Gently remove poached eggs w/slotted spoon.
Place on top of ss and cc muffin.
Fresh pepper and salt to taste.

My recommendation is to fuck first then eat this. Otherwise, you'll lay down like a beached whale. But boy, does this taste good after a good schtuppin. And you know, in the wacky world of Manitoba, nothin' is better than workin up a good sweat and then eatin and konkin out. Enjoy.

Comin soon....the 2-part story of "Tubby and the Lug Nut," or "How My Frozen Dead Cat Defrosted While I Was Waiting To Bury Him"!

Ciao bella,